December 5

I was reminded today that I hadn't blogged in a while... and asked why not....
I responded with "not feeling very inspired".

Well, that was not strictly true.  There are sparks of inspiration rolling around in my brain. The issue is more that I have been busy, and sick.  I spent a lot of free time recently creating digital scrapbook pages of my fabulous family.... a lot of love to enjoy there.

I did read something recently and saved it.  I'll share it with you now.

MODELS OF SURRENDER

St. Catherine of Siena in her Dialogues pictures the spiritual life as a large tree: The trunk of the tree is love. The core of the tree, that middle part that must be alive for the rest of the tree to be alive, is patience. The roots of the tree are self-knowledge. The many branches, reaching out into the air, are discernment. In other words, says Catherine, love does not happen without patience, self-knowledge, and discernment. Today we have little encouragement toward honest self-knowledge or training in spiritual discernment from our churches. By nature, most of us are not very patient. All of which means that love is not going to be very common. We need St. Catherine’s tree again. For more on this theme, please consider The Art of Letting Go: Living the Wisdom of St. Francis with Fr. Richard Rohr (CD) Aloha, Emily

November 1st

I wish I was more regular at this, because it is highly therapeutic.  Truth is I've been busy, and more than a little overwhelmed at times with life.  There is a lot of readjusting to do... apparently, engaging in a "life makeover" is easier said than done.

I'm here tonight, because tonight I was hitting a low... and had to dig deep and find my direction... and here it is... this mission to live love.

And that's not as easy as it sounds either.

And more and more, I am convinced that love is like a fire... it needs fuel to burn.  But my fuel stores have been running low...

So, to start recharging, I'll have to sleep more, take better care of myself, and start reminding myself of my gratitude list.....

And remember my direction.

And when I am frustrated, or out of patience, or telling myself ugly things... I will take a deep breath and ask for the strength to live love.

Aloha,
Emily

September 9th

I was fretting a little just now, as I baked chocolate chip cookies (terrible how little my mind settles....).

I was wondering about my children's futures...what lies ahead for them? who will they become? what will their place be in this world? .... and an old fear reared it's head - that fear that asks if I became all that my parents wanted me to be...

And I suddenly assumed that all children both disappoint and delight their parents.... I'm sure that no child becomes everything that their parents wished for them, and yet, I wondered.... would I be open enough to see all that IS that I never imagined?

And God spoke to me... and told me not to worry because these are not MY children, but HIS...  That I should never worry about sending my children into the world, because that is what they were made for.. that every child is His gift to the world... that He sends every child into the world to be a beautiful and wonderful part of his Creation.

They are mine to LOVE, and to cherish... to ground... to give a home... and then send them out to become all that HE created them to be.

I'll maybe sign off now to shed a few tears and take my cookies out of the oven.

Aloha,
Emily

September 7th

A little update.
I'm all over the map emotionally tonight, so not sure what I am going to write about, but here I am.

Sometime early in the new year, I put it out to the Universe that I thought it was time for a life makeover.  Little did I know how seriously the Universe felt that was true.  Many things have turned upside down for me in that time.  Right now, it's so challenging to move forward with all the changes in front of me that it's just plain hard.

Having said that, I am learning that everything happens for a reason, according to God's divine plan for my life.  AND that what I may have in mind could be greatly insignificant compared to what He has in mind.

About 2 years ago, I created a dream board.  The other night when I was packing, I pulled it off the wall of my office and  I think my jaw literally dropped.  There, staring me in the face, were things that I had visualized that had come true.

One of those things, was a picture of Cheryl Richardson.  I chose her photo out of a magazine - not with any real relevance to her at all actually - but just because she inspired me to be the sort of person who makes a difference in other people's lives.

Little did I know that she would be making a difference in my life throughout all of this.  Reading her book, "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace" has been a grounding experience throughout all of this.

And despite the ups and downs of my "life makeover", it has been a constant reminder of what is most important in life.... living love.

Much has changed in my life, but the love in my life has only grown.  In some new and unexpected ways even.  I celebrate my 12th anniversary with my husband this weekend - and am so blessed for all that we have to celebrate together.

Someone wise once told me that no matter how difficult the decisions you have to make... no matter how emotional things are... or how lost you feel.... stay true to your values and you will find the right way.

Aloha,
Emily

June 24

Another month has gone by... and I've been busy.  I've shared with some people already that I am in the process of a life makeover.  They always ask - what do you mean a "life makeover"...

It means that I am evaluating what is most important to me - my core goals and values - and then making some changes to align the various elements of my life with these.

As she has often done over the years, Cheryl Richardson is helping guide me through this process, through her newest book, "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace", which I would recommend as a must-read for anyone interested in the bigger picture of their lives.  I especially loved one quote that I read recently: "Lesson 3: Surrender to the dance - our source of suffering is always related to our resistance to what is - After enough pain and suffering, you'll eventually get the message: If you don't learn to surrender your will, you will surrender your peace".  

And I wanted to share this...
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/drew_dudley_everyday_leadership.html

I'm a little scattered right now... so much on my mind and I am quite tired.  There are huge changes in my life, but I am grateful that I am guided by my valuing of living love to help get me through it all.

Aloha,
Emily

May 23

It's been a while.  I know.  I've been doing some new things and making some big choices. My mind has been in a lot of places and trying to sort some things out.  I'm glad I'm on this journey, and am finding that living love is a great way to grow courage.  A friend of mine posted this, and it really inspired me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmMFIganRQY

I've also been watching the "Dog Whisperer" and am learning a lot about being a calm, assertive pack leader.  Not only  for my new canine friend - but in many other areas of my life as well.  I have always seen myself as a leader, but often a reluctant one.  That fear of rejection, or making mistakes, or somehow being viewed in a negative light holds me back....

But perhaps having 20 seconds of insane courage will help me to be the leader I need to be for my family... for myself.... and to grow in love and life.

Aloha,
Emily

May 1st

So, I got a dog.... it may seem crazy (and it is), but I really felt like I just needed a little more love in my life - to give and receive with a furry friend.

My furry friend, Santera, is a special animal.  She should be dead - in fact, she should have died at least twice... but some human angels have been looking out for her... She has a story so amazing that I've stopped telling it because people always look at me like I can't possibly be telling the truth... :)

She is also special because she is a therapy dog of sorts for me.  She is helping me to get out of a self-defeating rut. Because of Santera, I now get straight out of bed every morning 1 1/2 hours earlier than usual.... I pull on my coat and my mitts... and we go for a walk.  I had forgotten how beautiful the world is at dawn.  So, I am developing healthier routines, so that my whole life will be healthier.

Sometimes big goals require big changes to achieve.

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.
Henry David Thoreau

It sure is dark when I wake up now... but the most amazing thing happens as we get started.... it grows lighter....

Aloha,
Emily

April 24

Something rather remarkable happened today....
My inner child came out to play...


I didn't know she even still existed... 
And yet, there she was. 


As our yoga practice began this evening, my instructor offered the intention of remembering to be childlike....


She asked us to think about a child in our lives, and before the images of my own children could even pop up - her little voice called "Hello Emily"... and suddenly she was there. 


Later... when she recalled us to think of that child, it was in the context of thinking if the children in our lives need our help or support in any way... again, there were the faces of my own children in my mind... and my intention to live love.... but more than that, there was my inner child.... and my lifelong yearning to be loved.  


A tear welled up in my eye.... my inner child is alive and well... and she wants to come out and play, but most of all she wants to be loved. 


Oh, the things we learn from children... and from remembering the power of being childlike even as adults....


Aloha and namaste....
Emily

April 20

‎"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose." ~ Dr. Seuss ~

April 9

I am told that it has been a month since I last blogged, and so it has!  I've been occupied with all the joys of the changing season... and of reading fiction and living a pleasantly joyful life.  So I suppose that is good news.

I have been rolling around another famous quote in my head, credited to Mahatma Gandhi, "Be the change that you want to see in the world".  Seems that is exactly what I am working towards and am feeling really good about it.

I've been eating more healthfully, exercising more often, playing games more with the children, and paying more attention to what is important to say 'yes' to and what is important to say 'no' to.  I am learning that simple choices are often the most important....

Aloha,
Emily

March 6

I'm starting to think that quotes about change are attracting to me;)

This one that I picked up from Facebook fits the current theme.



So I am blogging today and checking my negative attitude... and being more forgiving and less demanding... and thinking about the reasons for making some significant life changes so that I can live a life reflective of love and not oppression.

I just finished reading the Hunger Games Trilogy for a little fun, but interestingly enough, it fits with this theme too... about how human beings are capable of dominating and oppressing one another through fear and privilege... and about how human beings are equally capable of rejecting such a reality....

Aloha for now,
Emily

March 3rd

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

Talk about smart people.  Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. 

What do you care about? 

My sister posted a quote for me recently that the only poverty is the absence of love. Could we really prevent people from suffering, from starving, from dying - with love? I believe that Mother Theresa has proved that you can.  

I'd like to prove it too. 

I may be just one person - and you may be just one person - but if we ACT on our care, things will get better.  I care, and things are getting better.

OK - so I had actually posted this blog and then read this from the Center for Action and Contemplation <cac@cacradicalgrace.org>:

DISCERNING OUR COMPLICITY

We are all complicit in and benefitting from what Dorothy Day called “the dirty rotten system.” That’s not condemning anybody; it’s condemning everybody because we are all complicit and enjoying the fruits of domination and injustice. (Where were your shirts and underwear made?) Usually the only way to be really non-complicit in the system is to choose to live a very simple life. That’s the only way out of the system!  Thus most of the great wisdom teachers like Gandhi, Saints Francis and Clare, Simone Weil, Dorothy Day, Jesus and Buddha—lived voluntarily simple lives. That’s almost the only way to stop bending the knee before the system. This is a truly transfigured life in cultures which are always based on climbing, consumption, and competition (1 John 2:15-17). Once we idealize social climbing, domination of others, status symbols, power, prestige and possessions, we are part of a never ending game that is almost impossible to escape. It has its own inner logic that is self-maintaining, self-perpetuating, and self-congratulating as well as elitist and exclusionary. It will never create a just or happy world, yet most Christians never call it into question. Jesus came to free us from this lie which will never make us happy anyway, because it’s never enough, and we never completely win. Adapted from The Spiral of Violence: The World, the Flesh, and the Devil (CD/MP3) Prayer: Hold me accountable to Love. Well... that leaves something new to think about eh?

Aloha, 

Emily

February 26

"Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned."

Not sure who said this... but boy were they s-m-r-t:)

I'm tired tonight and ready for bed... but feeling reflective nonetheless.

I think many people are too quick to judge themselves, to blame themselves, to accept guilt, or frustration or defeat.... especially when they do not feel that they have lived up to great expectations - or "great deeds planned". Worse yet, is to feel that one has not lived up to who they were meant to BE, let alone, what one was meant to achieve.....

One small deed at a time... I do believe this is how we change our hearts... and how we change the world.

Aloha,
Emily

February 23

Another one of those slightly embarrassing, long gaps between posts.  I wish I was more faithful, but the reality is  that sometimes I am just busy and tired.

I really do have some amazing things to share.... I spent a week in Maui, and got to live "aloha" and loved it.  I may just pursue real estate there one day:) At least honorary citizenship??

I celebrated the 6th birthday of my son, who is now already counting down to when he turns 7.  I recently read something, "I shouldn't wish my life away, but....".... if only children understood that.  I have decided never to wish my life away and to treasure the moments here and now.  The here and now is fertile ground for love.  Love doesn't seem to grow in "yesterday" or "tomorrow". It might be there... but it is not growing there.

I celebrated the life and death of my grandmother... and mourned.  And still mourn.... but the unmistakable touch of love has been in my life over and over again throughout the process.  In the minutes after I learned that grandma had gone, I stood in my shower and wept until a prayer and a blessing came to my heart.  I know it in a musical rendition, and sang it over and over again until there was just peace left.

I can't find the version that I know on YouTube, but the lyrics are simple: "The Lord bless you and keep you.  The Lord make His face shine upon you, and bring you peace. Amen."

I found myself crying again last night, and these words comforted me again.  And then something else, magical, mystical, the unmistakable touch of the Lord? I returned to work today, and there was a card and a gift from the staff in my office.  I opened the gift and literally stopped breathing.  This is what was inside.



It's a little hard to tell from this photo... but it is a caramel-haired girl, with a pink conch shell pressed tightly to her ear.

The friend who bought this for me had no idea that, as a caramel-haired child, I spent countless hours sitting on my grandmother's plush pink bathmat with the pearlescent pink conch shell that she had collected from the beaches of Barbados pressed against my ear listening for the sound of the ocean.  That conch shell was an icon of my grandparent's home, and of their lives.  In the deepest parts of us, aren't we all drawn to a moment's solitude, listening for the echo of the ocean's waves?

This was not just a gift.... it was a message, an inspiration, a blessing.  And I am blessed to have people in my life who are receptive to the leading of "God" or "the Universe" of whatever you want to call it... There is something DEEPLY affirming about the feeling that God sees me... that He knows me... that He moves in mysterious ways to demonstrate His unending love for me.  Forget roses on Valentines Day... they are nothing compared to that love that God is capable of expressing through one of His children to another.

Mahalo (thank you) MJ for ALL the gifts you gave me in this one simple figure.

Aloha,
Emily

February 2

Tomorrow my son turns six, and tonight he was literally buzzing with the excitement.... "mommy, aren't you so excited??? Tomorrow is my birthday!! Tomorrow I turn six!!"....

Tonight, I cradled my dying grandmother in my arms and felt so totally at peace.  So grateful that her whole entire life will end in the arms of loved ones.

Tonight, I laughed with my sisters over the madness of my week.

I'm setting fire to the rain.... listening over and over to the popular song by Adele that just moves my spirit so high....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlsBObg-1BQ

And I am embracing "joie de vivre"....


Joie de vivre (French pronunciation: [ʒwa də vivʁ], joy of living) is a French phrase often used in English to express a cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit. Joie de vivre "can be a joy of conversation, joy of eating, joy of anything one might do… And joie de vivre may be seen as a joy of everything, a comprehensive joy, a philosophy of life, a Weltanschauung. Robert's Dictionnaire says joie is sentiment exaltant ressenti par toute la conscience, that is, involves one's whole being."[1]

This week... I have laughed and I have sobbed... and become even more convinced that there is nothing in this world that matters more than love.  No money, no things, no rain, no distance, no pain, no resentment, no loneliness, nothing matters more than love.  May love set fire to my life.... may a wildfire spread throughout the world.... may love set fire to the rain.....

I'm crying too hard to see the screen anymore...

Aloha, 

Emily

January 14

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."
- Alice Walker

What power do you possess that you have never harnessed???

Interesting to ponder....

Aloha,
Emily

January 5

I love the inspiration that I am getting from music.  God has always loved to speak right into my heart through music.

Today I've been grumpy.... My body feels crappy.... I feel out of sorts... troubled.... broken down....
And for the last hour, I've been trying to embrace my crappy mood and just be grateful for the reasons that I feel crappy.... And then on comes Jack Johnson again.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4O7ufx9D_s


Breakdown
I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
See what there is to see
Time is just a melody
With all the people in the street
Walking as fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my window’s got a view
Well the frame I’m looking through
Seems to have no concern for now so for now I
I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh please just let me please breakdown
Well this engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
So I don’t even make a sound
Because it’s gonna sting me when I leave this town
And all the people in the street
That I’ll never get to meet
If these tracks don’t bend somehow
And I got no time that I got to get
To where I don’t need to be so I
I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh please just let me please breakdown
I want to break on down
But I can’t stop now
Let me break on down
But you can’t stop nothing if you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind that you kept and you know
That you don’t know nothing but you don’t need to know
The wisdom’s in the trees not the glass windows
You can’t stop wishing if you don’t let go
Of the things that you find and you lose and you know
You keep on rolling, put the moment on hold
Because the frame’s too bright, so put the blinds down low
I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh please just let me please breakdown
I got to break on down
But I can’t stop now

This Hawaii theme is just too cool in my life right now.

Aloha,
Emily