March 15

Well this is interesting.  I am feeling calm and creative.  I actually feel like writing.  This is good news.  The jam is loosening up and I am coming unstuck.

I want to say that I am feeling more brave and more grounded.  I no longer feel afraid of what comes next.  What is to come will come, and that is OK.

I have been inspired to start studying and practicing mindfulness and am noticing space starting to free up in my mind and my spirit.  One of Brene Brown's 'Dig Deep' challenges from "The Gifts of Imperfection" was to notice when I am feeling vulnerable, and to use this simple affirmation "I'm feeling vulnerable, that's Ok.  I'm thankful for...".  Brene argued that gratitude is an 'antidote' (my own interpretation) to feelings of vulnerability, and I couldn't agree more.  Shifting my gaze from fear and shame to gratitude and connection is helping me to gain my ground again. 

Perhaps the only barrier to living love is not knowing that it is already there? Perhaps the mistake I make is thinking that love needs to be created? Perhaps I am somewhat mistaken in my belief that love is a decision - that it is a choice?  If God is Love.... and God is the Life in every breath that we take... then is Love the Life Force in every living thing around us?  Perhaps the only decision is to embrace what is already right here - ebbing and flowing in every breath that I take?  Perhaps it is only because I do not choose to stop and experience it, that Love may feel elusive?

For today, I am breathing and creating...and choosing to see Love in all the places it already exists.

Aloha,
Emily

February 20

Hmmmm... so you've been waiting for a blog have you? Well, I've been avoiding writing.

I suppose I am here now because I am working on being more courageous, more compassionate, and more connected. 

You see, I have been feeling hurt and lonely.  I gather that happens to us all, and we all deal with these things in different ways.

My whole goal in starting this blog, was to work out some guideposts on a journey of living love every day.  I wanted to figure out what it means exactly to "live love", and to be clear about what it looks like and what it doesn't.  Cue the rigid, black and white part of my personality that likes things to be clear and uncomplicated.  What I am learning is that living love is anything but clear and uncomplicated.

Here is the problem that I have right now.  How do I live love when I do not feel loved?

How do I show love to myself, my husband and my children, others - when there is a void in my reservoir of love energy to tap into?

None of this is to suggest that I am not loved, or that I believe that no one loves me.  In fact, I know with 100% certainty that several people in my life love me deeply, or at least, like me and are concerned for me.  However, I have a legacy of life experiences that left me feeling unloved, betrayed, and neglected.  And regardless of my conscious decision(s) to forgive and forget, old pain has recently welled up from the deep and flooded my soul. 

This is not how I want to feel and it is not how I want to live. I have been in a sort of paralysis.  I have been unable to face the damage deep inside which threatens to overtake me, but unable not to do exactly that, and move on.  I believe that God has sent me a clear message over and over in the past few years "I want to fill your life with Love and Light" and who am I to stand in the way just because my feelings are hurt? So I am putting one foot in front of the other and I am cleaning up the mess.

As so often works for me, I have been looking for ideas - and as always, the amazing power of "seek and ye shall find" has manifested itself again.  It all started one day when Chapters Indigo sent me an email saying that they had a 50% off sale on several of their bestselling inspirational books.  I ordered three.  One of the titles caught my attention immediately, and I just finished reading "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brene Brown.  That is where I got the inspiration to live with courage, compassion and connection.  I highly recommend this read.  There were times when I was buzzing through a chapter thinking, "this is nice, but doesn't really apply to me..." and bang - the next sentence would hit me square between the eyeballs.  She raised my awareness of some important issues in my life.

You see, another reason why I started this blog is because I really want to be a good parent - the kind of mom who raises amazing kids who are going to be an amazing force of good in the world.  I believe that this is one of the important ways that I can be a force for good myself.  I want my kids to feel love, and to be strong, and to be able to give love.  I know that it is impossible to protect them from fear and loss and harm...but I would like their legacy to be the strength to live love through these experiences.

So one day, a dear friend posted a blog on Facebook:  momastery.com/blog/2014/01/30/share-schools/ and here was a mother talking about the power of love and connection in children's classrooms...

So I linked to the main Momastery blog... and found the words "Join the re[LOVE]ution”.  There are other people on the same track as me! Not shocking, but deeply affirming.  And here is another thing I read there: "You belong here. Momastery is an open window. It's a place to take a deep breath. It's a place to drop out and tune in. It's a place to stop striving, stop competing, stop suspecting, stop hiding. To hear and tell truth. Mother Teresa said, "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that We Belong to Each Other". If we find peace here - it's because we remember."

Well, this meant a lot to me, because I had started to disconnect - to feel that it was less painful to disconnect than to connect.  But it wasn't a comfortable choice in my soul. I was not at peace with myself, and was increasingly uneasy with the world around me.  I don’t get to disconnect and still be happy.  I don’t get to disconnect and still live love.

So here I am, in the spirit of courage - being vulnerable and staying connected, even though I would rather hide. 

I have mixed feelings about the current trend of airing all of our imperfections - and wearing them like badges of pride.  But I get how powerful it is to share our stories and to be real.  I am striving toward living the best life that I possibly can, and being a force of good in the world.  And, I am learning to be comfortable with the fact that I am not perfect, and that imperfection is a gift.

Love and Light.

These are my pillars.  These are my touchstones. One foot in front of another. Courage. Compassion. Connection.

Aloha,

Emily

 

 

September 25

If you thought I had forgotten about this little project, rest assured that I haven't and you can expect more to come:)

Aloha,
Emily

April 29

Making space...
Well, it has been a while...

I am really enjoying reading Mother Teresa's works... very enlightening...

But the lesson I am currently learning is that to experience and share love, then there must be space in your life for it... space to feel love, to see others who need to experience it, and to stay focussed on the mission.

That means creating 'margins' in life... extra time and space to 'just be' - to respond to others - to lend a hand without worrying about what I have to do next - to offer a listening ear or a hug...

It means creating financial margins - so there is room in the budget to give...

So I'm currently working on making space and filling that space with more love....

Emily

January 12

Well, here we go.  Today's blog is long... so if you are interested to read it, sit down with a cup of coffee and a bit of time:)  

I know you'll be reading this Dad, and you've been encouraging me to write again.  Thank you.  I have said before that I wasn't writing because I wasn't feeling inspired.  When I think about it now, that wasn't true.  I've been inspired...I've just been uncertain and afraid of what I am supposed to write. I was waiting for some help to know what to say... a sign I guess... a jumping off point to pull a lot of things together.  I've been mulling over some thoughts for over a week now...and the more I mull...the more the signs point to just putting it all down here and moving forward....because really this is the start...and it may be one more step in something really big - at least for me.

I started this blog because of something that happened to me about 18 years ago.  I grew up in "the church".... a small-town evangelical church.  I loved my church until I was about 16.  Up to that point, the church was somewhere that I felt I belonged and where I could learn to live the life that God had created me for.  Up to that point, I felt that my church supported me to live God's mandate of LOVE for the world that He created.  Then things changed...

The people of this church seemed to feel that the purpose of the church was to come together to fellowship and worship God. As I grew older, I felt that the purpose of the church was to be out in the community taking care of people - to serve the orphan, the widow and the oppressed.  I saw people being excluded, judged...and not just in our community, right within our church body...I saw people turning a blind eye to the needs of people...the pain of people... people who wouldn't act when it was clearly the right thing to do.    I began to feel excluded and judged...I saw people praying to God to cause harm to people's lives so that they might learn to follow Him...and I knew it wasn't right... And I couldn't be quiet about it, but the church leaders felt that I was just causing trouble... perhaps they thought I was just a kid who didn't understand - or who was just trying to cause trouble...maybe some knew what I was talking about and were afraid to act... either way, I didn't feel that I belonged there anymore....and even worse, when I applied for a church membership after my 18th birthday and my membership was denied, it was clear that the leadership didn't believe I belonged there either.  This church had been my home for almost a decade... a real home... where I had experienced real LOVE and fellowship with God and His people... and now I didn't belong...  AND I was distressed.  If I didn't belong in the church, who did?

Since my parents were upset by my decision not to attend, and because frankly I missed the relationship that I once had with the church and its people, I returned one Sunday.  But as the morning progressed, I developed this horrible sick feeling - literally physically ill.  I sat quietly in my seat for a moment while the congregation 'worshipped'...but I couldn't get this sick feeling out of my mind or body.  I bowed my head and began to pray...and something happened.   In my mind I could see an image of blood seeping out of the walls...and in my heart I could hear the voice of the Lord.  The voice sounded despairing and pained; "Cain Cain, where is your brother Abel"? I ran out of the service and cried.  I never told anyone what I had experienced until a few years later.

By that time, my sister and her husband were the youth leaders in this same church... and they hungered and longed for change in the church and for people's lives to be transformed by God's power.... but it wasn't happening.  As my sister poured her heart out to me, I told her that I believed God had a message for her.  At the time, I believed that my experience in the pew that day was a message for her.  Now I understand it was just a start.  This is what the Lord led me to understand about my gruesome vision.

He could no longer work in the lives of the people of that Church.  He had loved them and called for them to turn their hearts to Him.  He had called them and asked for their obedience, and in return for their obedience he would bless others through them in a way that they could not even imagine.  BUT the people of this church were not willing to give up their pride, their own agendas, their own self-interest.  Despite their songs and their prayers, the people of this church had turned their backs on Him and He could not work within them.  This was no longer His church... He wasn't invited to be part of their congregation anymore either.

In the last 18 years, I have been to a variety of churches...but none that felt like a new home.  My pain was strongest in my early 20s. I believed that I should be in a church - that I couldn't be a faithful Christian without going to a church where I could worship and serve the Lord.  One day, God quieted my troubled heart and told me I didn't need to go to church.  What??? He saw my pain and confusion and said simply, "Be still and know that I am God.  Simply follow me and I will reveal Myself to you".  Confusing but peaceful. 

Over the years, I have spent a lot of time with God.  He has spoken to me in so many ways, and the message has always centred on LOVE.  "I love you" he has said over and over again.  I have always believed that the purpose of the church is to care for the widow, the orphan and the oppressed, as in James 1:27.  This is taken from the New International Version (NIV):

²⁷ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

In fact, if you would like to know more about the scriptural foundation of my own faith, check this out:  It is clear and it is powerful: http://www.openbible.info/topics/widows_and_orphans and http://www.openbible.info/topics/love.  And so, that is what I have tried to do in lieu of church attendance..live LOVE and take care of people...alleviate oppression and social injustice (please do not expect that I believe I have been perfect in this endeavour... more on that later). 

But through the years, I have missed the community, the fellowship of being with likeminded people.  I have missed the LOVE that only God can express through people who are sensitive to His heart.  I spent a lot of time talking to my sister.  I have to say that, most of the time she was supportive, but really she thought I had lost my way.  Until a year or so ago.... 

One day I get an excited call: 'I'm reading this book and this guy sounds like you!'.  She was reading Brian McLaren...and so I started reading Brian McLaren... and in Brian's words I received the confirmation that I was not a crazy heretic...but that the Lord really had been leading me on a journey of LOVE, and I started learning more about the journey that others were on.  Moreover, I believe I started understanding more about the people who feel the same way that I do... that God's people need to change things up and start loving and obeying Him in a way that we might not have understood before.

Then, more recently, my sister called me and said 'I'm reading something else and this guy sounds like you!...and Rob Bell's work entered my life. I started reading, again confirming and expanding on what the Lord had already been sharing with me...and then I read a chapter...dropped the book and called my sister. 

Rob was talking about Cain and Abel and the blood that cries out from the ground.  My spiritual world stopped and has been in slow motion ever since.  I'm not alone.  There is a community of people in this world who have heard the blood cry out...  And as of this morning, the Lord has even shown me that these people are gathering together across the nations - and on places like Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=4874281742165&set=a.2290080298744.133235.1451076434&type=1&theater

If you are curious about all of this, you have to read "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" by Rob Bell (another of my favourite is "Love Wins").  But this is part of what I read from the end of the Introduction to this book:

"For a growing number of people in our world, it appears that many Christians support some of the very things Jesus came to set people free from.

It's written in Genesis that when Cain killed Abel, God said to Cain, "Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground.'

God can hear Abel's blood?

Blood that cries out?

To understand this cry, the noise that it makes across human history, and its importance to the times we live in, we have to go back to the first book of the Bible, the book of Exodus."

I've been feeling like human beings across this world are self-destructing at an alarming rate, and this scares me because I want more for my children's future than a world of violence and destruction. I want to my children to raise their children in a clean and safe and socially responsible world, and I wrestle with how to model this for them... Then came Sandy Hook...

When the children were massacred at Sandy Hook ES last month I could hear their blood crying out from the ground.  I couldn't stop hearing it.  I cried over and over again and I felt sick and I called out to the Lord - "How can you let these things happen??"...my faith, my security in the Lord was shaken.  You see, God has told me over and over again, "I want to fill your life with LOVE and Light"... and I believe he wants that for everyone, not just me.  But how can God want LOVE and light for people... and yet not intervene when children are being brutally murdered and torn from the lives of their parents and families.  How could I live LOVE and feel secure in my relationship with God, if He could possibly allow that to happen to me?  And moreoever, I couldn't even understand why the massacre at Sandy Hook pained me so badly, when the reality is that children are murdered every day across our world... I am told that every seven seconds a child starves to death somewhere... people are suffering somewhere far away while most of us close to home live in perpetual excess...

Well, here is the answer I have to my questions so far.  We must live LOVE.  We have no other calling, no other mandate, no other choice if we want all of the good things in life that God has created for us and promised to us.  Every day, in every corner of our world, people are alone...they are suffering...they are separated from God's LOVE... God gave us the job to take care of each other and His world.  We are failing Him...He is not failing us.

Thank you to Carey Nieuwhof of Connexus community church in Barrie for your message this past Sunday which confirms what the Lord had already told me:  LOVE is a decision...and more than that I believe it is an ACTION... it is a verb....Here is Carey's message on the subject:  http://www.connexuscommunity.com/watch-online/likeitloveit/. 

So, here we are.... and what I know now is that I may have exiled myself from the church for a while... but I am not alone.  People all over the place... on their own... in churches... on Facebook even... are saying the same thing:

Something needs to change... WE need to change....our churches need to change. 

Mark 12:31 ESV
The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”        

1 John 4:8 ESV   

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Cross references:

Exodus 19:5 ESV

5 Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be wmy treasured possession among all peoples, for xall the earth is mine; 

 

John 14:15 NLV

¹⁵ “If you love Me, you will do what I say.

 

A message that is becoming clear to me is that the next step in the journey of LOVE is obedience... obedience to what God has commanded us to do... to LOVE Him.  But what exactly does that mean???  How do we save ourselves and each other by LOVING God???

 

Aloha,

Emily

James 1:27 : Mt 25:36

James 1:27 : Dt 14:29; Job 31:16, 17, 21; Ps 146:9; Isa 1:17, 23

James 1:27 : Ro 12:2; Jas 4:4; 2Pe 1:4; 2:20

January 10, 2013

Happy New Year!

I am actually working on something good... just give me time to think and process...

In the meantime... isn't this what living love is all about???  Can you feel the love tonight?
I liked this video....enjoy!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0Fpl67p5qk

Aloha,
Emily

December 5

I was reminded today that I hadn't blogged in a while... and asked why not....
I responded with "not feeling very inspired".

Well, that was not strictly true.  There are sparks of inspiration rolling around in my brain. The issue is more that I have been busy, and sick.  I spent a lot of free time recently creating digital scrapbook pages of my fabulous family.... a lot of love to enjoy there.

I did read something recently and saved it.  I'll share it with you now.

MODELS OF SURRENDER

St. Catherine of Siena in her Dialogues pictures the spiritual life as a large tree: The trunk of the tree is love. The core of the tree, that middle part that must be alive for the rest of the tree to be alive, is patience. The roots of the tree are self-knowledge. The many branches, reaching out into the air, are discernment. In other words, says Catherine, love does not happen without patience, self-knowledge, and discernment. Today we have little encouragement toward honest self-knowledge or training in spiritual discernment from our churches. By nature, most of us are not very patient. All of which means that love is not going to be very common. We need St. Catherine’s tree again. For more on this theme, please consider The Art of Letting Go: Living the Wisdom of St. Francis with Fr. Richard Rohr (CD) Aloha, Emily

November 1st

I wish I was more regular at this, because it is highly therapeutic.  Truth is I've been busy, and more than a little overwhelmed at times with life.  There is a lot of readjusting to do... apparently, engaging in a "life makeover" is easier said than done.

I'm here tonight, because tonight I was hitting a low... and had to dig deep and find my direction... and here it is... this mission to live love.

And that's not as easy as it sounds either.

And more and more, I am convinced that love is like a fire... it needs fuel to burn.  But my fuel stores have been running low...

So, to start recharging, I'll have to sleep more, take better care of myself, and start reminding myself of my gratitude list.....

And remember my direction.

And when I am frustrated, or out of patience, or telling myself ugly things... I will take a deep breath and ask for the strength to live love.

Aloha,
Emily

September 9th

I was fretting a little just now, as I baked chocolate chip cookies (terrible how little my mind settles....).

I was wondering about my children's futures...what lies ahead for them? who will they become? what will their place be in this world? .... and an old fear reared it's head - that fear that asks if I became all that my parents wanted me to be...

And I suddenly assumed that all children both disappoint and delight their parents.... I'm sure that no child becomes everything that their parents wished for them, and yet, I wondered.... would I be open enough to see all that IS that I never imagined?

And God spoke to me... and told me not to worry because these are not MY children, but HIS...  That I should never worry about sending my children into the world, because that is what they were made for.. that every child is His gift to the world... that He sends every child into the world to be a beautiful and wonderful part of his Creation.

They are mine to LOVE, and to cherish... to ground... to give a home... and then send them out to become all that HE created them to be.

I'll maybe sign off now to shed a few tears and take my cookies out of the oven.

Aloha,
Emily

September 7th

A little update.
I'm all over the map emotionally tonight, so not sure what I am going to write about, but here I am.

Sometime early in the new year, I put it out to the Universe that I thought it was time for a life makeover.  Little did I know how seriously the Universe felt that was true.  Many things have turned upside down for me in that time.  Right now, it's so challenging to move forward with all the changes in front of me that it's just plain hard.

Having said that, I am learning that everything happens for a reason, according to God's divine plan for my life.  AND that what I may have in mind could be greatly insignificant compared to what He has in mind.

About 2 years ago, I created a dream board.  The other night when I was packing, I pulled it off the wall of my office and  I think my jaw literally dropped.  There, staring me in the face, were things that I had visualized that had come true.

One of those things, was a picture of Cheryl Richardson.  I chose her photo out of a magazine - not with any real relevance to her at all actually - but just because she inspired me to be the sort of person who makes a difference in other people's lives.

Little did I know that she would be making a difference in my life throughout all of this.  Reading her book, "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace" has been a grounding experience throughout all of this.

And despite the ups and downs of my "life makeover", it has been a constant reminder of what is most important in life.... living love.

Much has changed in my life, but the love in my life has only grown.  In some new and unexpected ways even.  I celebrate my 12th anniversary with my husband this weekend - and am so blessed for all that we have to celebrate together.

Someone wise once told me that no matter how difficult the decisions you have to make... no matter how emotional things are... or how lost you feel.... stay true to your values and you will find the right way.

Aloha,
Emily

June 24

Another month has gone by... and I've been busy.  I've shared with some people already that I am in the process of a life makeover.  They always ask - what do you mean a "life makeover"...

It means that I am evaluating what is most important to me - my core goals and values - and then making some changes to align the various elements of my life with these.

As she has often done over the years, Cheryl Richardson is helping guide me through this process, through her newest book, "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace", which I would recommend as a must-read for anyone interested in the bigger picture of their lives.  I especially loved one quote that I read recently: "Lesson 3: Surrender to the dance - our source of suffering is always related to our resistance to what is - After enough pain and suffering, you'll eventually get the message: If you don't learn to surrender your will, you will surrender your peace".  

And I wanted to share this...
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/drew_dudley_everyday_leadership.html

I'm a little scattered right now... so much on my mind and I am quite tired.  There are huge changes in my life, but I am grateful that I am guided by my valuing of living love to help get me through it all.

Aloha,
Emily

May 23

It's been a while.  I know.  I've been doing some new things and making some big choices. My mind has been in a lot of places and trying to sort some things out.  I'm glad I'm on this journey, and am finding that living love is a great way to grow courage.  A friend of mine posted this, and it really inspired me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmMFIganRQY

I've also been watching the "Dog Whisperer" and am learning a lot about being a calm, assertive pack leader.  Not only  for my new canine friend - but in many other areas of my life as well.  I have always seen myself as a leader, but often a reluctant one.  That fear of rejection, or making mistakes, or somehow being viewed in a negative light holds me back....

But perhaps having 20 seconds of insane courage will help me to be the leader I need to be for my family... for myself.... and to grow in love and life.

Aloha,
Emily

May 1st

So, I got a dog.... it may seem crazy (and it is), but I really felt like I just needed a little more love in my life - to give and receive with a furry friend.

My furry friend, Santera, is a special animal.  She should be dead - in fact, she should have died at least twice... but some human angels have been looking out for her... She has a story so amazing that I've stopped telling it because people always look at me like I can't possibly be telling the truth... :)

She is also special because she is a therapy dog of sorts for me.  She is helping me to get out of a self-defeating rut. Because of Santera, I now get straight out of bed every morning 1 1/2 hours earlier than usual.... I pull on my coat and my mitts... and we go for a walk.  I had forgotten how beautiful the world is at dawn.  So, I am developing healthier routines, so that my whole life will be healthier.

Sometimes big goals require big changes to achieve.

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.
Henry David Thoreau

It sure is dark when I wake up now... but the most amazing thing happens as we get started.... it grows lighter....

Aloha,
Emily

April 24

Something rather remarkable happened today....
My inner child came out to play...


I didn't know she even still existed... 
And yet, there she was. 


As our yoga practice began this evening, my instructor offered the intention of remembering to be childlike....


She asked us to think about a child in our lives, and before the images of my own children could even pop up - her little voice called "Hello Emily"... and suddenly she was there. 


Later... when she recalled us to think of that child, it was in the context of thinking if the children in our lives need our help or support in any way... again, there were the faces of my own children in my mind... and my intention to live love.... but more than that, there was my inner child.... and my lifelong yearning to be loved.  


A tear welled up in my eye.... my inner child is alive and well... and she wants to come out and play, but most of all she wants to be loved. 


Oh, the things we learn from children... and from remembering the power of being childlike even as adults....


Aloha and namaste....
Emily

April 20

‎"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose." ~ Dr. Seuss ~

April 9

I am told that it has been a month since I last blogged, and so it has!  I've been occupied with all the joys of the changing season... and of reading fiction and living a pleasantly joyful life.  So I suppose that is good news.

I have been rolling around another famous quote in my head, credited to Mahatma Gandhi, "Be the change that you want to see in the world".  Seems that is exactly what I am working towards and am feeling really good about it.

I've been eating more healthfully, exercising more often, playing games more with the children, and paying more attention to what is important to say 'yes' to and what is important to say 'no' to.  I am learning that simple choices are often the most important....

Aloha,
Emily

March 6

I'm starting to think that quotes about change are attracting to me;)

This one that I picked up from Facebook fits the current theme.



So I am blogging today and checking my negative attitude... and being more forgiving and less demanding... and thinking about the reasons for making some significant life changes so that I can live a life reflective of love and not oppression.

I just finished reading the Hunger Games Trilogy for a little fun, but interestingly enough, it fits with this theme too... about how human beings are capable of dominating and oppressing one another through fear and privilege... and about how human beings are equally capable of rejecting such a reality....

Aloha for now,
Emily

March 3rd

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

Talk about smart people.  Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. 

What do you care about? 

My sister posted a quote for me recently that the only poverty is the absence of love. Could we really prevent people from suffering, from starving, from dying - with love? I believe that Mother Theresa has proved that you can.  

I'd like to prove it too. 

I may be just one person - and you may be just one person - but if we ACT on our care, things will get better.  I care, and things are getting better.

OK - so I had actually posted this blog and then read this from the Center for Action and Contemplation <cac@cacradicalgrace.org>:

DISCERNING OUR COMPLICITY

We are all complicit in and benefitting from what Dorothy Day called “the dirty rotten system.” That’s not condemning anybody; it’s condemning everybody because we are all complicit and enjoying the fruits of domination and injustice. (Where were your shirts and underwear made?) Usually the only way to be really non-complicit in the system is to choose to live a very simple life. That’s the only way out of the system!  Thus most of the great wisdom teachers like Gandhi, Saints Francis and Clare, Simone Weil, Dorothy Day, Jesus and Buddha—lived voluntarily simple lives. That’s almost the only way to stop bending the knee before the system. This is a truly transfigured life in cultures which are always based on climbing, consumption, and competition (1 John 2:15-17). Once we idealize social climbing, domination of others, status symbols, power, prestige and possessions, we are part of a never ending game that is almost impossible to escape. It has its own inner logic that is self-maintaining, self-perpetuating, and self-congratulating as well as elitist and exclusionary. It will never create a just or happy world, yet most Christians never call it into question. Jesus came to free us from this lie which will never make us happy anyway, because it’s never enough, and we never completely win. Adapted from The Spiral of Violence: The World, the Flesh, and the Devil (CD/MP3) Prayer: Hold me accountable to Love. Well... that leaves something new to think about eh?

Aloha, 

Emily

February 26

"Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned."

Not sure who said this... but boy were they s-m-r-t:)

I'm tired tonight and ready for bed... but feeling reflective nonetheless.

I think many people are too quick to judge themselves, to blame themselves, to accept guilt, or frustration or defeat.... especially when they do not feel that they have lived up to great expectations - or "great deeds planned". Worse yet, is to feel that one has not lived up to who they were meant to BE, let alone, what one was meant to achieve.....

One small deed at a time... I do believe this is how we change our hearts... and how we change the world.

Aloha,
Emily

February 23

Another one of those slightly embarrassing, long gaps between posts.  I wish I was more faithful, but the reality is  that sometimes I am just busy and tired.

I really do have some amazing things to share.... I spent a week in Maui, and got to live "aloha" and loved it.  I may just pursue real estate there one day:) At least honorary citizenship??

I celebrated the 6th birthday of my son, who is now already counting down to when he turns 7.  I recently read something, "I shouldn't wish my life away, but....".... if only children understood that.  I have decided never to wish my life away and to treasure the moments here and now.  The here and now is fertile ground for love.  Love doesn't seem to grow in "yesterday" or "tomorrow". It might be there... but it is not growing there.

I celebrated the life and death of my grandmother... and mourned.  And still mourn.... but the unmistakable touch of love has been in my life over and over again throughout the process.  In the minutes after I learned that grandma had gone, I stood in my shower and wept until a prayer and a blessing came to my heart.  I know it in a musical rendition, and sang it over and over again until there was just peace left.

I can't find the version that I know on YouTube, but the lyrics are simple: "The Lord bless you and keep you.  The Lord make His face shine upon you, and bring you peace. Amen."

I found myself crying again last night, and these words comforted me again.  And then something else, magical, mystical, the unmistakable touch of the Lord? I returned to work today, and there was a card and a gift from the staff in my office.  I opened the gift and literally stopped breathing.  This is what was inside.



It's a little hard to tell from this photo... but it is a caramel-haired girl, with a pink conch shell pressed tightly to her ear.

The friend who bought this for me had no idea that, as a caramel-haired child, I spent countless hours sitting on my grandmother's plush pink bathmat with the pearlescent pink conch shell that she had collected from the beaches of Barbados pressed against my ear listening for the sound of the ocean.  That conch shell was an icon of my grandparent's home, and of their lives.  In the deepest parts of us, aren't we all drawn to a moment's solitude, listening for the echo of the ocean's waves?

This was not just a gift.... it was a message, an inspiration, a blessing.  And I am blessed to have people in my life who are receptive to the leading of "God" or "the Universe" of whatever you want to call it... There is something DEEPLY affirming about the feeling that God sees me... that He knows me... that He moves in mysterious ways to demonstrate His unending love for me.  Forget roses on Valentines Day... they are nothing compared to that love that God is capable of expressing through one of His children to another.

Mahalo (thank you) MJ for ALL the gifts you gave me in this one simple figure.

Aloha,
Emily